


i feel life for the very first time (love in my arms and the sun in my eyes)

by mayaviolets



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Lots of Angst, OOC maybe, a very long and cliche one shot, excuse my english spelling rip, i don't know who's taller give me a break, let me live people, my first fic love me, rey falls in love lol, subtle finnpoe, this is v gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:30:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayaviolets/pseuds/mayaviolets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first time rey falls for jess, jess is standing by her x-wing in that luminous orange and white suit, running a hand through her raven hair and letting it fall off-parting around her head. somehow, a part of rey changes, like something is thrown into place and she wasn’t really ready for it, like she’s been seeing in black and white for her entire life and now everything is finally in colour. jess moves in ethereal patterns through everything and rey is forever stunned.</p><p>a.k.a, seven times rey falls for jess and one time she acts on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i feel life for the very first time (love in my arms and the sun in my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> the title is lyrics from 'technicolour beat' by oh wonder.  
> sorry for my british spelling, i can't really help it, and also if any terms are british.  
> this is so cliche it hurts. but the world needs more reyva.  
> love me pls i tried  
> also my poetic mind makes an appearance lmao bye  
> i didn't proofread this so forgive me father if there are mistakes. xx may the gay be with u  
> SPOILERS FOR TFA

The first time Rey falls for Jess, Jess is standing by her X-Wing in that luminous orange and white suit, running a hand through her raven hair and letting it fall off-parting around her head. Somehow, a part of Rey changes, like something is thrown into place and she wasn’t ready for it, like she’s been seeing in black and white for her entire life and now everything is finally in colour. Jess moves in ethereal patterns through everything and Rey is forever stunned.  


It’s after Rey’s back from her four-month training with Luke Skywalker and is about to run through the Resistance base to find Finn, who she’d heard had finally come out his coma after their battle with Kylo Ren. She’d been desperate to on the way back, pacing back and forth on one of the pilot seats in the Millennium Falcon, excited to see her closest friend and one of the only people she’d ever connected to. They hadn’t connected through holograms because they thought it would be better to reunite in person, but the best thing was that she knew he was okay.  


Luke came off the Falcon slowly, hugging her momentarily before leaving to find Leia and reunite with her. She’d thanked him for all the training, even though three-hour handstands at five am wasn’t her typical idea of a fun time - although it had helped a great deal with learning the ways of the Force.  


Rey was sprinting through the base, passing bodies that she knew were watching her intently, a faint smile on her lips as she thought of seeing Finn again. And then all at once all the bodies slowed down when she saw one figure and her feet found ground to stick to, the desperation escaping her in the blink of an eye, finding peace and strangeness in this figure.  


It was a girl, probably her age, maybe a bit older. She was holding her X-Wing helmet in one hand and running her hand through her raven-coloured hair with the other, smiling as she talked to another pilot, a hairband around her wrist.  


If Rey hadn’t felt love before this moment, she was definitely feeling it now.  


The girl, well, woman, was finishing her chat with the other pilot by the looks of it, turning towards Rey’s view. The Jedi apprentice panicked, looking for somewhere to hide as if she shouldn’t have been watching, her feet regaining their sense. But their eyes met before Rey could do anything, and suddenly the daydream continued once again.  


She hoped the other woman felt the same weird stomach-churning sensation that she did, and she hoped this wasn’t some weird post-flying thing, as much as a little part of her wanted it to be. Before she knew it, the woman was in front of her, greeting her shyly.  


“Uh, Snap told me I had to come over here and talk to you otherwise he’d eat my rations for tomorrow…”  


Rey expected the pilot to be overly-confident, as they usually are, but this one was timid yet cute, and Rey probably looked like a deer in the headlights. _You really know how to impress people_ , she thought to herself.  


“I’m Jess.” The woman announced, holding her hand out for Rey to shake. With only subtle hesitation she obliged, a smile creeping into her features.  


“Rey,” she returned, looking up at Jess’ welcoming brown eyes, instantly feeling some sort of safety in them. She might’ve been the most cliché person in the whole galaxy, but the second Rey’s skin touched Jess’, it was like nothing before. And she’s not talking fireworks, she’s talking every tiny sell in her body exploding. Lowkey, though, she’d imply. (She’s lying.)  


_Make conversation, you defeated damn Kylo Ren in your first lightsaber duel ever. Come on, you’re better than getting quiet and infatuated._  


“Um, why did Snap want you to come over here?” Rey attempts avoiding Jess’ dreamy glare, but it’s almost as if she’s pulling her out from shore with them during high tide.  


At first it’s like Jess hadn’t listened, too into focusing on something else, but then she snaps out of it and realises the question. “Oh, he saw you staring, told me about-”  


A million thoughts marathon through Rey’s brain in this very moment.  


“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! That was really rude of me, you were just there- and I, I don’t know, I’d never seen-”  


“Rey, Rey! Calm down, it’s fine! It was nice. I’ve heard a lot about you in the past months, everything you’ve done. I’ve always admired Luke.” Jess looked at Rey like she was a celebrity.  


A blush crept into Rey’s once-pale cheeks, proudness overcoming her. “Well, it’s annoying when you have to wake up at four-thirty in the morning for at least fourteen hours of training every day for months. But I guess it means you’re always in shape, right?”  


They both laughed, the light of the sun hitting Rey’s vision, reminding her of Jakku and Finn.  


“I kind-of have to go and see my friend. He just got out of a coma. It was nice meeting you, Jess.” As much as Rey wanted to stay with Jess for maybe, like, the rest of her life, she couldn’t, not when Finn was waiting.  


Jess was slightly disappointed, although she understood. “It’s okay. I’ll see you around, Rey.”  


Rey whispered a quick ‘yeah’, before Jess hesitantly walked away, back to where Snap stood in awe, greeting him with a high-five.  
Whatever it was that Rey felt around her, she liked it.

//

The second time Rey falls for Jess is when they’re sitting at lunch together almost a week later (after numerous interactions around the base and Jess asked her to lunch) and the X-Wing pilot isn’t wearing her jumpsuit this time, she’s wearing casual clothes, jeans and a plain white tee-shirt, similar to Rey who’s wearing a black tee instead. After thinking about sitting in the cafeteria, they both imply that it might be nicer to sit outside on the roof of the base, as it was both away from all the people and the weather was dry and calm on this day. Agreeing, they walked up the metal staircase with their food on plastic blue trays, clinging to the railing to steady themselves.  


They reached the rooftop in good time, sitting close yet far from the edge of it cross-legged, facing the hilly landscape of D’Qar as light shone from above. The foreign world was beginning to welcome Rey just as the familiar desert planet she had grown up on began to fade from her mind. It would never fade fully.  


“Everything’s so beautiful here,” She said quietly after seconds of silence in solitude, taking a bite from her cafeteria sandwich.  
Jess looked to her then, an expression of sorrow forming on her features, remembering stories about Rey’s past that she’d heard. “What was it like in Jakku?”  


The ex-scavenger thought for a moment, closing her eyes and breathing in fresh air. And then, she spoke: “It wasn’t pure like this. Sand irritated you like scars and everyday was the same, scavenging around alone until you found something worth trading for food to keep you alive. It was always so hot and dry and painful…”  


Rey looked down, attempting hard to contain the longing and homesickness yet hatred she felt for her ‘homeworld.’ After all, she didn’t know what’d happened in the first five years of her life. All she remembers is Jakku.  


She looks over to Jess in that instant. She’s still staring at Rey, so their eyes meet, and for one second Rey believes Jess is the person who can hold her and wash away all the years of loneliness, all the years without a connection, and maybe, just maybe, heal her.  


But reality always takes Rey’s hand away, so she looks away in discomfort. No words are spoken for a few minutes, but in that time she feels something tickle at the nape of her neck, and it’s Jess tucking in a loose piece of hair that’d fallen out of the lowest bun on Rey’s head. She turns back to Jess, a sense of warmth running through her. “Thanks.” Rey says, quieter than a mouse, but Jess can hear her.  


“No problem,” she says back, hinting a small smile in sympathy for this girl. They then turn back to the landscape, continuing to eat and talking about any pilot gossip that Jess has heard, including the rumours that Finn and Poe keep being spotted together in Finn’s dorm room, doing a little more than friendly things. They stay out there and laugh until sunset.  


Rey still couldn’t believe that you didn’t have to do or give anything in order to eat at the Resistance base. It was a dream at first (it’s still a dream) and it’s unlike anything she’d ever imagined, but so was Jess.

//

The third time Rey falls for Jess is around five days later when she’s sitting with Finn outside, waiting for Jess, Poe and their squad to return from a three-day mission. They’ve both missed them, and she thinks Finn might tell her about anything that he’s been up to with Poe.  


“So, Finn,” She looks over to her best friend sitting beside her, still grateful to be out of a Stormtrooper outfit every second, and asks “you’ve been spending a lot of time with Poe lately.”  


Finn looks somewhat shocked, but not really. “I could say the same about you and Jess.”  


Rey rolls her eyes, retorting naturally “At least I wear my own jacket.”  


“Shut up, it’s cute.” Finn says, earning a look from Rey.  


“You know, there’s been a lot of gossip. Wanna tell me if it’s true or not?” Rey waits expectantly. Finn finally gives in.  


“Okay, yes, it’s true. Most of it. I asked him out last week.”  


Rey stands up and pats Finn on the back, smiling, as the X-Wing ships fly back in towards base. “All I needed to hear, big deal.”  


She knows which one’s Jess’ because it always has a subtle splash of blue on the side, even from a distance. Or that’s just Rey using the Force again. But none of them have that, and Rey really hopes Jess has washed it off, because if she’s not here then Rey doesn’t know where she is.  


Rey jogged over to Poe, followed shortly by Finn, curious to where the other pilot was. As Poe stepped off he hugged Finn first before Rey, and his smile faded as he saw her expression.  


“Where’s Jess?” the brunette asked cautiously, slightly frightened by what the answer might be. Poe looked down to his boots, swallowing hard.  


“Well, her ship was hit as we passed Tatooine, and it crashed there. We couldn’t go back for her, they were after us-”  


Rey’s anger exploded, “you don’t even know if she’s okay? You could’ve hit the enemies, you could’ve gone back for her!”  
Her sudden outburst caused a lot of wavering glances. She then realised it wasn’t their fault, that she could just go and find Jess herself. That’s what she was going to do.  


“Look, Rey, I’m sorry, we couldn’t exactly…”  


“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. Hey, can I borrow your X-Wing?”

-

At first, Leia doesn’t let Rey, but Luke persuades his sister that it would be good for Rey’s training. Poe’s helmet is quite big for her, so he gives her one of Jess’ old ones. It smells vaguely like Jess, which only drives Rey further into wanting to find the pilot and make sure she’s safe.  


Rey’s never flown an X-Wing before, but it’s easier than the Falcon, so she doesn’t have many problems. She puts in the co-ordinates for Tatooine, hugs Finn and takes off. Luckily Tatooine is in the Mid Rim as well, so it doesn’t take too long, and when she sees the two stars resembling suns, she knows she’s found it.  


The helmet feels like the one back at her old ‘home’ in Jakuu did, and suddenly thoughts of how long she spent in that damn ship simulator pretending she was a pilot clouds her mind. But, she has to find Jess, and that’s the most important thing, not vivid teenage memories.  


She hadn’t known Jess for a long time, but she did know that she wasn’t losing her now. No, not as they were becoming friends, and maybe even one day more than that. She wasn’t giving that all away to some other draining desert planet.  
She landed near where she could see what looked like a crash from Space and got out hastily, running over to the crash site, praying to Force that Jess was alright.  


“Jess!” She yelled, wondering around the smoke and fire. After no response and not being able to find her anywhere around the site, she yelled it louder. “Jess! Jessika!”  


It was then she spotted someone walking around on some sand dunes in the distance, turning towards Rey. She was in an X-Wing pilot suit.  
The younger apprentice breathed a relieved sigh before taking off and running in the direction of her friend, grinning widely as they wrapped their arms around each other, fitting perfectly. As Jess was shorter, Rey lifted her up a bit so her feet were no longer on the sandy dunes that would’ve reminded her of Jakku if she wasn’t distracted by Jess, who made her forget all about that horrible planet.  


Jess dug her head into the side of Rey's neck, her arms wrapping around Jess' waist securely so she didn’t let her go for at least five minutes, and with any other person this would’ve felt weird – Rey hadn’t hugged another being except Finn, Poe, Leia and Luke in almost fifteen years - but with Jess, it’s right. With Jess, it seems like everything is right.

//

The fourth time Rey falls for Jess it’s back at the Resistance base on D’Qar. Water keeps falling from the sky outside and it’s driving Rey mad that she has training with Luke until eleven am so she can’t go and see what it is. But training doesn’t start for another half hour, so she decides to go and find Jess’ dorm and get Jess to show her.  


Her dorm number is 104, so she knocks on that door. A groan sounds from inside, obviously Jess disliking waking up to answer the door. Somehow even that is cute to Rey.  


Jess opens the door warily and tired. She has bags under eyes and her hair is pulled into a high messy bun, strands of it hanging down, rough. Her big t-shirt reached mid-thigh and her pyjama bottoms look scruffy, but also cute. She still looks beautiful.  


Wait, did Rey just think that Jess was beautiful? No, Rey wasn’t, wait- _did gender matter?_ What was gender anyway?  


Rey decided to brush the thought off. If she could trick enemies into letting her go free, obviously none of it mattered. So _hell yeah_ , Jess was beautiful.  


“Rey? What’s up? It’s like…four am. You okay?” She seemed a little worried and bothered.  


“Jess! There’s, like… _water falling outside_. From the _sky!_ Can you show me what it is?” Opposing Jess, Rey was in her training clothes: gym shorts and a sports shirt. Her hair was up in a pony tail.  


“What? Water falling? Rey, what did you drink last night? Take anything? Force, Poe needs to stop-”  


“No, no! Can you just come outside with me? Please?” Rey couldn’t contain her excitement, because she’d never seen anything like the weather outside. Was it some sort of planet exploding? Maybe the waters of Naboo had fallen into space somehow and entered their planet. Rey just wanted to know.  


“Okay, hold on, let me change.” Jess said, closing the door slightly, leaving a gap open. At first Rey fought the urge to peak in, but as curious and naïve she was, the teenage years that she missed won the battle and she leaned against the wall to let one eye look in.  


This was definitely the right time, she thought, because Jess was facing away from her and she was pulling the baggy tee over her head, exposing her bare back. Her legs were lean and slim, along with her figure, and Rey felt like painting galaxies on it. It was a kind of love different to the youth and sympathy felt in laughing and long glances; it was desire, lust. Something Rey had never felt before. But she turned away before Jess could see. It’s not like that desire could ever be fulfilled, anyway, Rey had no experience and Jess deserved more than that.

-

They reached the doors that led outside shortly after. “Ohhh,” Jess sighed in realization, “that’s rain, Rey, have you never seen it?”  
Rey looked out the window, her fingers tapping the freezing glass. “Rain,” she whispered, thinking about the word. “the first part of it sounds like Rey.”  
Jess smiled. This girl couldn’t get cuter even if she tried.  


“Can we go outside?” Rey asked like a little kid, a wide grin on her features, her eyes lighter than ever. “Of course,” Jess said. Rey took her hand in that instant, maybe even a little scared of this ‘rain’, a warm sensation taking place in her palm once again, similar to the first time they met. Their fingers entwined like sand to the sea.  


Closing the door behind them, Rey was ecstatic. She felt rain in her free hand and brought her hand up to her face, running the water across her cheeks, looking up, closing her eyes and breathing in the new weather with a wide-tooth grin. This was her favourite type of weather now.  


It was cold, but that never bothered her, just like she got used to the heat back on Jakku. With a laugh she reached out and held Jess’ cheek, water on her face now too. She only let go of Jess’ hand to run to where a big puddle was and jump in it, exploring the foreign weather like a kid with snow for the first time. Jess decided to join her and they both splashed water on each other, eventually falling to the concrete ground together and not minding a single second. What mattered was that they were both together and happy, and now Rey knew what rain was.  


Rain was like what she felt with Jess. It started slowly, a drizzle at first, but when rainfall hit its peak and poured down in buckets, you knew that it wasn’t just something light – it was thunderstorms and being covered in something unfamiliar. But none of it was bad. No, Rey would never get tired of the rain.

//

The fifth time Rey falls for Jess, it’s during lunch again, and Jess had just come back from another mission, except this time she was okay, to Rey’s delight. They hugged again and it lasted longer than any normal hug.  


They sat on the roof again, this time the weather maybe even as bright as Jakku, but at D’Qar it never hurt you. Rey had a theory that you could only get sunburnt in Jakku, because everywhere else was full of beautiful people, or mainly just Jess.  


Jess is lying down on the roof and Rey’s head is on her lower stomach, both looking up to the sky. Rey shifts so that she can lean over and face Jess, whose eyes are closed, soaking up warmth.  


“Hey,” Rey says, “do you think the Force can make someone fall in love?”  


Jess doesn’t open her eyes, only hums in thought. “That depends. I’ve only heard stories, but shouldn’t that happen naturally?”  


“I guess so,” Rey says, enjoying the peacefulness of her surroundings and how comforting Jess’ presence was. “Love is weird. Have you ever felt love? Because I feel things, but I don’t know what they mean.”  


Jess sits up and opens her eyes, finding their place back with Rey’s. She brings her knees up to her chest. “Love feels safe and secret, like you get this weird feeling in your stomach when you imagine them, or you make up scenarios of the both of you. Or it’s just admiration, and wanting to be with them all the time. So if that counts as love, then yeah, I think I’ve felt it. Why, who do you like?”  


Rey laughs, looking down to her hands and fiddling with them before looking back up to the girl who takes over all of her thoughts. “I don’t know. Does it make you crazy?”  


“Love?”  


“Yeah. I heard that’s what happened to Anakin Skywalker, apparently he fell in love and that’s why he turned to the dark side. Because if that’s love then I don’t think I can do it.”  


Rey didn’t know what exactly happened in the past. But she’d heard stories, so she might as well ask.  


“Oh Rey, that’s not at all what happened. He didn’t know any different, and the Emperor persuaded him. Besides, things in the future are supposed to be better. And on the subject of the Skywalkers, can you use the Force to feed me lunch? My arms are too tired.” Jess’ smile faded through every image in Rey’s mind, so yes, she would happily use the Force to feed the pilot.  


With the swish of her hand she picked up one slice of apple and Jess was able to eat it in the air, taking it from its floating position. Jess’ inner Force fangirl dared to make an appearance, chuckling as she thought of all the stories being true, everything that the Force can do.  


Rey thought it was incredibly cute as Jess’ dimples appeared and her eyes squinted, eyebrows pinching together whilst she tried to eat the apple in the air. They continued this until the end of Lunch, and although Rey was disappointed that it had to end, it would of course be continued some other time.

//

The sixth time Rey falls for Jess, it’s in the slightest of sad scenarios, and it’s early in the morning. Jess is awoken from sleep all of a sudden when the intercom on the side of her bed beeps rapidly and she wonders who the hell would call at this time of night. Everything is dark and she answers it quietly as not to wake her roommate.  


She recognises it as Rey’s intercom code calling, and she’s worried.  


When she first answers it, she hears nothing on the end of the line, but then she hears faded sobbing. It’s muffled, as if Rey’s crying into a pillow or something, and every now and again there are a few wails.  


"Rey?” The darker-haired girl whispers, pulling the hair away from her face to listen to the intercom clearer. “Rey, are you okay? What happened?”  
The younger girl’s sobbing continues, more prominent now. “J-Jess…can you…my dorm…can you come here…please?” She makes out the words through sobs racking her body, her voice trembling.  


“Of course, I’m coming, shh, don’t worry.” Jess turns the intercom off before quickly grabbing a sweatshirt from the closet and making her way through a few hallways before reaching Rey’s single dorm. Leia thought it would be better for Rey to sleep alone in a room since she has all that training to get up and practice for.  


The door is already open when Jess enters, shutting it behind her gently. Rey is sitting up in the double bed in the middle of the room, her crying now audible for Jess, who tiptoes over towards the bed with little hesitation.  


“Rey,” She says, a good tempo for Rey to hear, “Rey, it’s me. Jess.”  


She crawls over to where Rey’s body aches and tears stain her cheeks like wine stains in dresses. She contemplates quickly whether to wrap her arms around her, but she can’t resist not to, so she does.  


At first, it’s a little awkward, but then it’s fits perfectly and sadly.  


“Jess?” Rey asked, her wrists attempting to forcefully wipe away the tears.  


“Yeah, it’s me, I’m here now.” She whispers like it’s a secret.  


Rey collapses into her embrace, her arms wrapping around her waist and her head falling onto her upper chest. “I’ve got you,” Jess whispers as Rey’s sobs continue, but die down solemnly. Jess felt like home and comfort in some sort of way Rey still doesn’t understand. She doesn’t think she ever will, but she’s okay with that.  
Hours pass. Eventually, Rey tells her why she was crying when she calms down and they both lie back on the double bed together, arms still around each other.  


“I was at Starkiller base again,” Rey tells her, in small breaths, “I kept seeing Han die and Ren kept looking into my mind, over and over. It didn’t end, he-he…he was ripping apart all of my hopes, my dreams, all my feelings, everything I’ve ever thought of. He was torturing my loneliness and longing and invading things that can never be personal to me again. He took _everything_.”  


Jess couldn’t say anything. All she could do was listen.  


“I kept trying to fight it off, but this time I couldn’t; I was helpless. And then…” She stops for another sob, “you were there and he was doing the same to you. It was painful enough for me, but you were in so much pain and I couldn’t do anything about it, all the loneliness came back…”  


She kept talking. About her past, about how glad she was that it was a nightmare, but also about the pain and inexperience she had felt. It rocked all of Jess’ emotions, too.  


“I think that when these things happen, you have to think about anything positive. Like…lightyears away there’s infinite possibilities. Lightyears away, there might be us. Jess and Rey. But they didn’t meet, and in this world, we did. And the stars are for us, and they can sing us to sleep with their constellations. And no harm can come to us if we’re together. I’ll keep you safe, Rey.”  


With that, Rey thinks she might be in love, no matter how tired she is. She’s fought so hard for food, stood up to everything, and barely had time to smile in fourteen years alone. But with Jess, she doesn’t have to be rough. She gets to be appreciated, she gets to relax, she gets to fall asleep in the arms of somebody who may not understand, but definitely tries to. Rey is thankful.

//

The seventh time Rey falls for Jess it’s a few days later and Jess is about to leave with her squad for another two-day mission. Finn is very not-subtly making out with Poe in the background and they’re standing by Jess’ X-Wing.  


“Make sure you don’t end up on Tatooine again, please.” Rey says, smirking. Jess laughs, engulfing Rey in the hugs they will both never tire of, and even kissing her on the head. Warm sensations never leave Rey when it comes to Jess.  


“Oh,” Jess gasps, remembering something, pulling a hand-made leather bracelet from her jumpsuit pocket. “I made you this. It’s plaited like your hair sometimes is. I found some extra materials in my dorm and decided you need something of me when either of us goes away. It’s kind-of crappy.” Jess looks a little worried and shy like the first time they talked, but the bracelet fits Rey’s wrist perfectly and just like everything is with Jess, it all falls into place.  


“Thank you.” Rey says, the dimples on her cheeks making a cameo appearance. They hug once more and it’s when Jess gets into her X-Wing to fly away with her squadron that Finn walks over and Rey feels like she’s in the stars.  


“That girl really has you,” Finn implies, chuckling. Rey looks down to her bracelet.  


“It’s such a small thing but I feel like it means so much. Tell me, Finn, how did you know you were in love with Poe?”  


They stop and he looks like he’s in awe. Vicious Rey, in love? An unbelievable event. He couldn’t wait to tell Poe all about this.  


“Well, I guess you just know. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s an infinite tenderness for another- it’s wanting them to be safe and happy and not minding whether or not it’s with you. You just love them unconditionally. You always feel warm when you’re with them.”  


That explained a lot.

//

And finally, the one time Rey acts on the fact she’s in love with Jess, is around a week after she’d come back from that mission. She had a day off from training and planned to spend it with Jess, either on the rooftop or in one of their dorms.  


But, as life goes, they’d fought. For the first time.  


“You went away for a week instead of two days? Why didn’t you tell me, I’d been sitting here worried absolutely damn sick thinking that something had happened, Finn and I both!”  


Rey was shouting. And this event features a scared yet also angry Jess, standing across from her in Rey’s dorm.  


“Oh, it’s always about Finn, isn’t it? Want to tell me if something is going on, because you sure spend a lot of time with him!” Jess knew she was being harsh. She knew that Rey and him were just friends, but sometimes small suspicions exited her mouth like hurricanes.  


“And why would you care about that? Nothing is going on, I would never do that! I’m just…you had me worried down to my bones and I couldn’t do anything. You really need to sort out your communication skills, because they’re poorer than your bloody easy past!”  
And then Rey knew she’d blown it. There was no reason to blame Jess for having a much easier past than her, for all her family to still be alive, to know them.  


“Do you really think about that?” Jess said, this time quieter and now concerned. She sits down and watches as Rey turns away to look out the window and hold her head in her hands.  


“I’m sorry. I get so jealous- you’ve lived easy your whole life and I, I just…it was so hard, everything. I’m so sorry, Jess.”  


A single tear falls from Rey’s eye as she blinks. She lets it roll down her face and turns around, walking over to the bed where Jess is sat.  


But all of a sudden, she can’t keep holding back her feelings anymore, whatever they are or mean. She reaches out to hold Jess’ cheek, finding solitude in her eyes once again, and leaning closer. Nothing is said, not as their lips touch, not as all those talked about cliché fireworks go off, not as it speeds up and not as it slows down. Not as they gripped each others hair and became closer, and not as they fell back together, tasting stars in lips. Not as they trace lines across each other’s skin whilst kissing temples and eyelids. It was silent until Rey said the truth.  


“ _I’m in love with you_.”  


The sun scorched outside. Never as painful as Jakku.  


“I’m in love with you,” Rey said again, feeling the need to express it more, “I’m in love with you, I’m in love, I’m in love with you,” She kissed Jess’ eyebrows, her jawline, her neck, her ears, “I’m so in love with you, I’m so so so in love with you.”  


It wasn’t long until Jess did the same and they ended up talking about the moment they met and what they both felt, and all the moments that mattered. They fell asleep together and woke up in a bundle. Nobody questioned it. It was right.  


Jess doesn’t look at Rey like she’s a celebrity anymore, like all the other countless people in the Resistance base do. Jess looks at Rey like she’s a person, a living, breathing being who has experienced the vastest pain you could ever imagine, who’s gone weeks without food, who’s seen death eye to eye and who’s had all her thoughts stolen from her by a vile man she’s still haunted by every day. Jess tries to help Rey forget about it, all the bad things, all those demons, and if healing is real, it’s working.


End file.
